So today I decided to start a blog. I don't know who will read it, if anyone at all but I decided I needed some place to vent because my life is a complete mess. So let me tell you what has led me to this point. I am fairly young. I am married and have two children that are still toddlers or younger. My husband, we will call him Ethan, is a terrible husband. I have taken care of him most of our relationship and he cheats on me and lies to me very frequently. We met when we were teenagers and fell in love. He went away for a long time so we broke up. We eventually found each other and to make a long story short I ended up pregnant and so we got married. Things seemed okay between us, not perfect, but okay. He was always kind of the stay at home Dad while I went to work to support us.
After some time had passed we decided to buy a house. We bought a house relatively close to where we lived as teenagers, little did I know that would turn out to be a big mistake. Everything was going fine and one day he came home and told me he had run into an old enemy of both of ours at a gas station. Apparently, when we had been apart he befriended this person, we will call him Carter. Although Carter and I had some bad memories in the past I was willing to let that go if my husband thought he had really changed. I agreed to let him come over to our new house and hang out, more out of curiousity sake than anything. Well he did and it seemed okay, at first.
As time went by my husband became more and more shady so to speak. For about a year he hung out with Carter every single night. Sometimes he did not even come home. I was always left to take care of our young child alone. This often made me ridiculously angry and turned me into a bit of a psycho. I would call him 30 times, of course getting no answer, to find out where he was. I told him to leave a couple of times, and he did, but our separations never lasted. I would get so angry over this situation our horrible fights sometimes ended in him pushing me around a bit. Our relationship was slowly getting worse and worse. Then very unexpected we ended up with a surprise. I was pregnant with our second child. At that point I decided that I was going to commit myself to making my marriage work, but then things got much worse.
One night, my husband was out as he usually was, I got a call from Carter. Carter told me that my husband had been arrested for an old warrant that he had and asked me if I could come pick up his car. I did this and on the ride home Carter told me how much my husband loved me and he knew how wrong he was with the things he did and he was going to start to do better. I thought well maybe after we work all this out things will get better, then things got even worse than I could have possibly imagined.
The next night at about 12 a.m., I was sleeping of course and my husband was still in jail, I got about 10 calls from a number I did not recognize. I ignored it at first because I did not want to be bothered. Finally I was so annoyed by the calls I answered the phone. The person on the other side was a female the first thing she said was, "is this Luke's wife." After that I knew exactly what was coming. She told me about how they had been in a relationship for 3 months and how he told her he loved her and wanted to be with her. He told her he was separated and he didn't care about his wife, and of course she knew nothing about me being pregnant. She also told me she believed there were others apart from her. She was very cooperative and even signed an afidavit saying that it happened for my lawyer. I met her in person and what made it all worse is, and I am not a conceited person, but I am way way better looking and about 100 pounds smaller.
I was crushed. I was in so much pain I could barely care for our other child. I confronted him, and at first he denied it, but as soon as I gave him proof he fessed up. All the while he is still in jail. He begged me to forgive him and told him it was sex and nothing else. He said I had not been wanting to have it and he needed it somewhere, blah blah blah. I said I would think about it. However, I was on a mission to find out if there was more than just the one.
I pulled all of his text phone records and sent out a mass text and included all of the numbers he texted frequently that I did not know. I ended up with 3 responses. One girl said he had slept with her several time before and during the one I already knew about, another said he just slept with her once, and another said he had not slept with her yet but said he wanted to. I was destroyed. Words cannot describe how it feels when you find out your spouse has been cheating, especially when you are pregnant and you have been taking care of him for years.
So I visited him in jail to confront him with the second peice of information. He had a two week sentence so he was still there. I chose a time he didn't know it was me so that I could see if he thought another girl would come see him and if he would have his wedding ring on. He was shocked when he saw my face. I asked him who the other girls were and he lied about all of them except one and claimed it only happened once, which I know is not true. His friend Carter had since decided to completely tell me everything, I suppose because he wanted to get in my pants which was not happening. He again said he was sorry. I asked him to show me his hands, which he had hidden under a table. He did and surprise surprise his wedding ring was not on. He said it wasn't because he thought it was another girl, but I knew that is exactly why. I think he thinks I am stupid. I left feeling awful.
He got out of jail about a week and a half later. I went to pick him up because I wanted answers. I wanted to know why he did it and what I did to deserve it. He told me it was completely about sex and I never wanted to go out and do anything. What I did not understand is what did he want to do with one kid and one on the way. It just was not practical. He told me it was all Carter's fault because he had intraduced him to all of the girls he had slept with. I thought really hard about it and decided I didn't want to be a single parent. I told him if he never spoke to Carter again, never talked to any girls from that time period again, was completely faithful, and was okay with me checking his phone and phone records I would try to give it another shot. He agreed.
Time went by and things were pretty good. As far as I could tell he was doing what I asked. However, occasionally he would stay out all night (probably once a month) and tell me he was at a friends house. I let these instances go because I had checked his phone records and gotten confirmation on every number he texted. During this time our second child was born and life was pretty happy.
Now we are at present day. I had found out previously through phone records he was still talking with Carter occasionally, but I let it go even though I said I wouldn't. Then Carter started texting me telling me Ethan was cheating again. I had a hard time believing it because I had checked his phone records often. I confronted Ethan with this and he said Carter was a liar. He also told me a friend of his told him Carter and I slept together while he was in jail, which is a complete falsehood. I asked him who said that. He told me someone he met once, lets call her Anissa. I asked for Anissa's number and he said he didn't have it. Then he got mad and ran off and told me he was going to beat up Carter, which I knew was not going to happen. I pulled his call log up for that day and wrote down the numbers on it. I did not have mine "known phone numbers" list on me so I just called everyone. One of the numbers ended up being Anissa. He had lied about having Anissa's number. Here is the twist though. Anissa is married and I spoke with her husband and he thinks Ethan and Anissa hardly know each other. So she was lieing to her husband which I thought was strange. Meantime another friend of my husband, lets call him Clay, told me he was indeed sleeping with Anissa. I thought to myself how did I miss this, I have been checking his phone records. When I got a hold of my "known phone numbers" list I realized he had been telling me Anissa was a friend of his, lets call him Harlow. Let me tell you he talked to "Harlow" a lot, Anissa in case you missed my sarcasim. I promptly kicked him out.
The next day I was again a mess. He said he only lied because I would be mad and he thought he should be allowed to have female friends. My thought is no you shouldn't you cheated. He rudely told me I need to get over it. He also threw in some threats to scare me a little. Anissa also told me nothing happened. She has reason to lie because she is also married. My view on it is this: if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck it is probably a duck. Honestly, I don't believe a would out of his mouth because he has lied so much. He says I am ruining our children's future by kicking him out. I feel like he did that by doing the things he did. He refuses to take any responsibility. It hurts me so bad because he is my best friend. The sexual part is hard for me now that I can't trust him, but he is still my best friend.
Now I am at a place that I feel trapped. He told me if I forgive him again he will no longer allow me checking records or having any doubt in him at all and tells me I just need to get over it. If I don't forgive him he says I can't separate him financially from me and I have to keep his car in my name "or else" and that or else means bodily harm. I feel trapped I can either deal with him cheating on me and possibly get an STD (because when he cheats he does not use condoms), kick him out yet still be responsible for his car and his insurance or he will hurt me, or I can run and hide and leave everything I have ever worked for in my life behind and let my house go in forclosure and let my car get repoed. I don't know what to do I am just a mess.
I would even consider trying to try one more time, but he won't help me get over it. He says he deserves trust whether I think so or not and he refuses to let me check behind him. Without being able to do that I can't be with him. He has never given me a reason to trust him so I can't figure out why he thinks he has. I am lost.
So that is my first blog. I hope it was entertaining. I needed an outlet to get all this crap out of my head. Stay tuned for future installments of my stressed life.
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